cars in a pool

Steven walked into my head, took a look around and decided it wasn't his deal. Since then I haven't been able to forgive him. I try. I want to but I don't control that part of me. I do at a conscious level. I can tell you I've forgiven him. I can tell myself as well but I know I'm full of shit.

It comes with reaching my thirties. As each year passes I see through more and more of my own bullshit. In my teens I could convince myself of anything. I loved playing football, I was good at football, I liked hanging around with football assholes.

Ok, I sucked at football and most of my friends were actually assholes. I only recalled last year that I was cut from the football team one year. There's like 50 kids on a football team and I wasn't good enough to be one of them. How sad is that? I was also the last defencemen cut the one year I tried out for the high school hockey team. I'm perpetually the best on the shittiest team or the worst on the best team.

Steven presents a problem. I'd rather just move forward with our 'relationship' but how do I forgive and move on? I look for points we have in common, things we can argue about. There's something fundamental in our distance. It has to be him too, it can't be all me.

Our relationship is simple and quiet. We drive each other to work. It's great. We're making a difference, saving the planet for all you single passenger fuckers out there. You're driving us all to oblivion you assfucks.

Now that would make carpooling more exciting, if I really was a raging swearing asshole environmentalist. It's what we need more of. Full on white trash mouthy hard drinking environmentalists. The ones we have now are all soft and squishy. That's what's cool about lesbians, they're like a box of nails with a bullhorn strapped to it constantly spouting it's opinions. It's all they think they've got. Carpooling would be more interesting with some more swearing.

It's the same with GO trains. No one on those trains talks human. They all speak this grey language all rounded off at the corners. It's like watching the same teletubbies episode each and everyday. If anyone talks human on a GO train the other grey people think they're lunatics. I do it myself. Think about it, if a guy on a GO train talks the way you talk with your friends loud enough, you'd be wondering if he was in the bag or just plain messed. You'd get off the train chuckling with your grey train friends about that looney bird.

There's an art and etiquette to carpooling. It changes your day, your schedule's displaced. It binds you to other people. I watch the clock in the mornings not because I'm worried about getting to work late but because I can't be late for my carpool. What does that mean? I'm more committed to these carpool people than my job. Now that I like.