How to be a dick

I was playing hockey recently when a teammate offered me some advice, "you're a nice guy but you gotta stop doing that shit."

Afterwards I was trying to think of some possible alternatives he could have used for the "you're a nice guy but" portion of his monologue. Here are some I've come up with:

• "I know I'm about to be a dick but I'm going to say it anyway.."
• "I don't care for you or your type one bit so..."
• "Something deep inside me is creeping up screaming at me not to say what I'm about to say but..."
• "Let's not bullshit each other. I don't like you, you may not like me but..."
• "In my experience, berating people is the best way to build relationships and encourage behavioural changes so..."