nobody has any money

This is based on a true story, I swear.

So there's this guy, let's call him Eric. He's driving through downtown Guelph during the monsoon we had Tuesday. He spots a woman, no a lady. He spots a lady in her forties standing on the curb with her thumb out. Eric, being a human of the variety we refer to a 'nice', offers this lady and her soaked ass a ride.

Once inside the car Eric asks her where she's headed. I imagine he said something like this,

"Hey there sunshine, where you headed all soaked to the skin like that?"

Okay fine, probably more like this,

"Where can I drop you off?"

"You can give me twenty bucks and I'll give you the best bj in town."

"uh, I don't have any money on me and I don't want anything from you. Can I take you somewhere? Somewhere you can get dry?"

At this point the conversation takes an sharp emotional turn and Eric's new lady friend begins to release a steady stream of water droplets from her eye sockets. (oh uh, clearly that sentence indicates I'm reading too much Vonnegut of late) (uh oh, and that last bracket sentence deal indicates I'm some sort of pretentious book nerd) She composes herself and clearly explains that she really just needs the money.

I'm not sure what her point was in saying that. I suppose she just wanted Eric to know that she didn't actually need to satisfy him in a carnal sense. Pretty sneaky, her real goal was the money the whole time. Eric responds,

"You little witch. You don't even care about me do you? You're not even interested in giving me a bj. Why do I always find myself in relationships with women who are only after my wealth? Get out of my car right this moment. I can't even talk to you right now."

Okay fine, that was his response in the pretend world I call my reality. Back in the "real" world Eric said no deal. With their budding relationship in tatters she gets out of the car while mumbling,

"Fucking city, nobody has any money."